So I just re-read my last journal entry and I'm all, "Wow, so much has happened since then." @_@ My school year is almost over, I finally finished theatre only to realize that I am actually stage managing a main stage show, which i am really excited about, but also very nervous because I feel like they are expecting me to be perfect and know everything. My boyfriend is worried because he doesn't want me to stress out again. Basically after POTO on March 23rd I have gone through what seems like Hell. I got really sick with Bronchitis, I found out my cat Nala (I've had her for 13 years) had a tumor and is suffering, I've had drama with my friends, I have not been getting enough sleep so I am always drained, I have cut down the visiting time with my boyfriend, my friends are going through dramas that I am trying to help with while dealing with myself, I went through 7 hour long rehearsals for 3 weeks, I signed up to go back to my high school to SM the Silver Stars which meant commuting from San Marcos to Austin twice a day, I am always worried that my boyfriend will get tired of me ranting to him, I feel like I am not that close with anyone anymore, I am looking forward and not looking forward to going home for the summer because I am always angry there for some reason, my dog is suffering from his kidney problems, I am having dreams about dead pets, my cat Patch is going on his Spring hunting rampage, I am worried about my sister's health constantly, I'm worried about what I will do after college and if I will have time for family and friends, I am worried about losing people because of theatre, I want people to understand that I want to be an SM so I need to do everything I can, I need to do more things for myself rather then please others constantly, I need to have me time and what I thought was me time really wasn't, I have to go back to HEB this summer which I am looking forward to and not, I can't believe that I have been dating this wonderful person for 8 months, I want to be there for my friends as much as I can, I want to let myself go without people being afraid of me, I want to be able to not break so easily, I want my cares and worries to wash away, I want to not be so much of a perfectionist all the time, I want to let loose and just fly in life, I want to have a break from theatre but not have that damage my reputation in the theatre, I want more experience before I jump into SMing a main stage, I want someone to go step by step with me about the requirements, I want to not worry about trying to please my boyfriend everyday, I don't want to feel judged, I want to be able to read on a warm day without something I have to go to, I want to get up at least one day a week without having to go somewhere or be up at a certain time, I want to go back to the Christmas Break where I could lie around all day with my boyfriend without caring about the other world, I want so many things but I can't have them all, I wish that there were not set rules for things, I want to be free to do whatever I please without being afraid of doing something wrong, I want to be accepted for who I am by people, I don't want to be afraid to express myself to the fullest, I want to be guilt free of things I have no reason to feel guilty about, I want to be happy all the time and never stress out, I want people to be there for me when I need it, I want to be able to go where ever I want when ever I want, I want to have a magical summer but it will probably be like usual, I want my boyfriend to plan something and stick to it all the time and not just sometimes, I want to see him almost everyday and not just a few, I want him to tell me how he truly feels about me instead of dancing around the subject, I don't want to be afraid of his reaction if I say, "I love you.", I just want everything to go right and have nothing go wrong.

There are so many wants you may ask for, but you can't have everything. Basically I want to run free with everyone and everything, and like I said in my last update, I want to live life to the fullest right now because I am at the prime of my life.

Life is life so live with it. I can try all I want, but I still can't have everything. With everything I get, there is always a consequence.

I just have to keep on living and see what life will give me.

Be it love.

Or be it pain.

I just have to make it through and laugh as much as I can.